Pulling on Emotions

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It’s been two months since Adam and I got married. June 6th, 2021- and the week following was a whirlwind as I wrapped up projects and said goodbye to my different pockets of community that mean so much to me. By June 12th, we were in Washington DC, starting our new life together. This city has all of the historical outcroppings and stories needed to distract a Guam girl moving to the big city. But two weeks in, I had a breakdown in the parking garage of our apartment building to Adam. “I don’t feel grounded here. I feel like I need to be doing something, but I don’t know this place.” To which he replied, “Babe, it’s only been two weeks…”

There are moments where my grandmother’s and my life overlap and in those moments, I try to feel everything to be closer to her. When seeing the island disappear from the plane window, I thought about how she felt when she and the family moved to California in 1970. And how they moved back to Guam the following year.

Or when she and grandpa got married in 1958. She wrote in her letters to her parents about how grandpa’s parents expected her to quit her job and become a “homemaker.” That was just what women did in those days, I suppose. But moving to Guam allowed her to pursue her passions like attending UOG or getting involved in Inafa Maolek- things she might not have done in the states. I think she fed off the maga’håga energy that Chamorro women gave off to really make something of herself.

Whenever her life mirrors mine, I write. I write to try and capture how similar or different things may have been given the times. She wrote objectively to her parents- most often to relay the latest information or tell fun stories so I ask my dad, aunts, and uncles to fill in the gaps. I pull on my emotions and infuse it into her character to fill in everything that wasn’t written in her letters.

This is my favorite picture of grandma and grandpa. He- looking down to watch for her footing then and in life. She- in her closed toe patent ivory heels, looking straight into the world ready to face it.

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